These things happen to other people....

I'm pretty crazed and confused just now on account of the whole no nicotine thing, right? Last night I went to a party, and stayed up "late" (these folks have kids) drinking whiskey, only because NOBODY at this "party" smoked, and therefore I did not run the risk of getting tipsy and immediately bumming a smoke from someone. (I did, during a quiet moment, sneak outside, and kind of casually perused the porch, poking around behind the bigwheel, an old desk rubber balls, hoolahoops and stuff hoping to locate *an old butt lying around on the porch* from the last time I'd been there, like a month ago. ("Which", my tortured psyche was telling me "would have quite a bit of tobacco in it because of course I couldn't ever smoke a whole one at this house before the six year old would come out and catch me at it and lecture me. Heartbreak. Guilt etc.) Ewww. This skulking only lasted a minute before I caught myself at what I was doing and hied my ass inside, disgusted.

So, anyway, just completely whacko these last couple of days. I "talked about my feelings" on a phone call with my seester (thanks, dear.) which may have been a terrible idea and then was kind of a wreck, and got myself all worked up and wacky in the middle of my messy nest of a "my husband's away so I can knit/eat/read/sleep/draw anywhere I damn well please" living room. Just losing my shit... my stomach actually hurt from churning all that nasty emotionality around with all the detox tea, and my stomach is made of iron, friends. Iron, or perhaps Titanium which gets stronger with age.

When (here's the amazing part) suddenly, I realized that I could go running and feel better.

I've been running (very sporadically) since last February when a dear friend convinced me it would be the secret to quitting the LAST time I tried. (He even took me out to buy sassy blue shoes.) I have run cheerfully and sleepily and lots of other ways, but never to meet a clear and present need. Just out of some obligation and a fondness for looking at scenery slowly. Today, I ran to change the way I felt, and it worked, and I felt great and came home and did yoga to music (?!) everything in the whole world became sparkly and open and kind of animated. Including my stomach, and the piles of yarn, and the cat fur all over the couch. Amazing. Tremendous.

I think it also might be time for me to write the second fan letter of my whole life to Ani Difranco for her record that I downloaded for free from her website, which feels kind of wrong, though obviously condoned. And probably to not use so many quotation marks. I'm compensating, here people.""""" Anyway, I've always liked Evolve, but it was part of all the mind-blowing that happened here in my living room today.