Some of you will know that I got a subscription this year to the 5th Ave theatre. (RI folks, think PPAC). Generally thinking I'm more of a late-night, fringe, bring yer beer into the black box, wacky trashy pay-what-you-can kind of theater goer, BUT my pal Paula and I both like musicals. (Only I'm generally too embarrassed to tell other people that because I'm tuff.)
We got the subscription with another friend because they were showing "Company" (Sondheim show about sex and marriage, also the theme music for my early childhood. yeah.) and "White Christmas" (I cried, and loved the fake snow, and sang along at the end louder than anyone else in the nosebleeds because in the dark, noone can see you're tuff.) and "West Side Story" (c'mon!)
We also got "Buddy; The Buddy Holly Story" and, fatefully, "Edward Scissorhands". (We actually signed up for something else even more unlikely, but "Buddy..." replaced what the original season included. Imagine, like "Woody; The Woody Allen Story" or something.)
Last night was Edward Scissorhands. It was something else. I'll jump to the end of the night, which took place in the corporate video establishment (which I always avoid) because it was too late for my local joint and I couldn't wait.
Kendra: Hi. I can't find Edward Scissorhands, will you help me?
Short Dorky Blonde Video Guy: Did you look in drama?
Kendra: Yeah. I found Eddie and The Cruisers.
SDBVG: Here it is. (In comedy)
K: fifty fifty shot I guess.
at the counter:
SDBVG: Hey, did you know that there's, like, a ballet version of that right now?
K: Yep. That's why I'm here. I just saw it.
SDBVG: I heard it was great. What did you think?
K: I'm not sure. I was expecting a musical, and brought my blind friend, so I spent the whole time whispering narration, so I couldn't really get into it. Maybe it was really good.
SDBVG: Oh. (BLIND. GOSH. YUCK. WHAT DO I SAY?) My friends said it was really good.
K: The set was cool.
SDBVG: (THANK GOD!) Yeah. They said the the sets were amazing. They saw the London cast, which is pretty much the same thing.
That's right friends. I narrated the ballet version of Edward Scissorhands in my quietest indoor voice from the nosebleeds.
"Now that slutty lady brings the salesman into her house... whoops, he's out again. I think he might be golfing with her husband now."
"The cheerleader loves Edward... the other teenagers are doing a peer pressure dance now. Oh. She leaves him".
There was a dream sequence (I'm not big on ballet that isn't the nutcracker... is that like some ballet trope of some kind?) where Edward has hands and all the other folks are topiaries. It was probably awesome, but it turns out that all of my cynicism lives in my left brain right next to my words, but my right brain has all my Dream-dancing-appretiation.
Fucked up. A joke, even. Sheesh.
If "West Side Story" is, like, a One-Womyn performance piece, I'm staying home.
Oh. Ps. Not one smoke in four months. Word.
