Going Easy

Yesterday, I played Go with a 7 year old. I taught him the game some time ago, and he asked me "Go easy on me though. I'm not that good." I told him I'd help him play, but that I wouldn't really go easy on him. I showed him that in Go, there's a rule that provides for one player to have a handicap, so we set him up with a 5 stone advantage and then we started to play. After just a few turns I said "You can change your mind if you want, but I'm going to show you something that you could have done." I showed him and he changed his move to the better one and we kept playing. This happened periodically, and then after a little while another kid came. She has more practice with Go and she gave him advice and helped him talk through his moves. I stopped pointing out obvious moves because his friend was doing such a good job. After awhile, another (even more skilled) kid joined them and he had two advisers. At one point, I made a really cool move, and he said "KENDRA! You're not going easy enough on me!"

Going easy is an interesting thing. I explained that I was one person playing against three people, and that I wouldn't not capture his pieces to make him feel good. We wouldn't be playing a game if I did that! Then, later I played Bingo with some Kindergartners. When one kid who's challenged by patience and self-control was really on edge because he'd gone an astounding 6 turns without placing a marker on his card I TOTALLY looked and made sure that the next one I picked would be on his card. He was relieved and didn't lose it and I had no sense of guilt or anything over how much easier I had made the game.

What's that about? I don't particularly ENJOY bingo, in the same way that I love Go. I'm crazy about both kids though, and they both wanted to do well. Is it because one kid had the wherewithal to ASK for what he wanted and the other one just said "OH NO! I Don't Have THAT ONE!" at an increasingly loud volume? It's not generally my style to give kids what they want when they yell at me.... that teaches bad habits that embarrass me later when we're in public.

After I won that game, I played the kid's adviser number one. I told her I'd give her a bigger handicap, but I wouldn't avoid good moves just because she's a kid because we were playing a game and games are fun and I want to have fun too. We played the game and she was stunned that she lost. She's seven, and I taught her how to play the game, and she couldn't believe that I won. (!) I think maybe THAT's why I don't want to "go easy". I remember where I was when I beat my dad at chess (confidential to dad: if you were going easy on me back in third grade, kindly keep your damn mouth shut) because that seemed like something big. I also remember the first time I actually knew the answer to a question when I watched my folks playing trivial pursuit. (It was something about an elephant.) This is because I was a kid around adults who played games for fun, not to teach me anything about who I am. I lost a lot of games.

Perhaps that's it. I play games with kids because I love to play games, not because victory might make them feel good. I've taught kids how to play more games than I can count. If "going easy" is pretending that I didn't see that double jump, or letting you have my rook, I have NEVER gone easy on a kid at a game that I like. (I have however stacked the deck at Candy Land AND Chutes and Ladders...and I refuse to play Mousetrap... ever, no matter what.) When kids are disappointed that I don't "go easy", maybe they're used to grown ups treating games like I treat bingo. (Which is NOT a game, in my view, but a way to trick children into learning to memorize spelling words, college students into spending some time not drinking and old people out of their precious time and money.) I play games like they're FUN instead.

(Whew. I'm glad I figured that out... I was thinking that I might just be an inconsistent meanie.)